The Harsh Truth About Your Toxic Relationship
Hear the truth EARLY on to avoid deep heartbreak LATER on
By Pamela Bartholomew
The truth about your relationship should start at the beginning...
The truth in any type of relationship should start at the very beginning. People often show you how a relationship with them will be from the very start.
Finding that special someone in life is one of the best things for a lot of people to accomplish.
The truth is that when it’s right, It’s the best. You finish each others sentences, you’re on the same wave length. You move, they move. They are the only one that truly understands you. It can be MAGICAL.
I firmly believe that people are brought into our lives for two reasons: To teach us a lesson (stay for a season) or To Grow with us (stay for a lifetime).
It’s possible to to see the signs early on, but they definitely are tricky and well hidden.
What are some signs of a toxic relationship that you could be missing?
It is not your fault that a relationship just isn’t right – and it isn’t their fault either.
Relationships just don’t work out sometimes. You two just are not the right ones for each other.
That being said, what is not okay is treating someone with disrespect and harming their self worth, and damaging them for years down the road. It’s important to recognize when a relationship just isn’t treating you well early on so you can get out before it turns ugly.
Here are some signs that you shouldn’t dismiss, and should seriously take into consideration when deciding if you want to deal with this long term.
Signs of toxicity:
- You are last on their priority list
- They get defensive every time you bring up something that hurts you rather than try and communicate and resolve
- put you down when you feel excited about something
- gaslight you – make you feel like you’re the problem when you bring up an issue
The harsh truth you may not want to hear - but NEED to:
Keep your eyes open and don't be blind to the signs
People are very transparent even when they try their hardest not to be.
The fact is, they usually show you their true colours right at the beginning.
It’s up to you to know if these flags are warning flags or if they are something you can live with. Because the fact of the matter is – people RARELY change.
Sometimes they do, don’t get me wrong – but rarely. If a person mistreats you in the beginning and they show you that side of you from the start, please do not be so surprised if it happens later on.
You do not hurt the ones you love
Everyone deserves respect and if they cannot give you that – than they are not worth your time.
You of course know this but unfortunately other people do not. Or they do know this but unfortunately they don’t take the steps to notify you and let you walk away.
If someone brings you into their life and then doesn’t put in the necessary effort and attention towards keeping you as they initially did in the beginning – run.
You are a treasure and you deserve to be treated as such.
Sometimes people are just selfish
The harsh truth is that they like to know that you are there when they need you but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want you in the long term.
They want to know that you still will be there when or if they need you.
You never want to be someones OPTION. You are the ONLY. When someone makes you an option, that kind of love gets boring fast anyways.
This person is keeping you from being with someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and that is a whole new level of love that you do not want to miss out on.
If they wanted you, they would've done anything to keep you
I absolutely hate the phrase “puppy love” because it makes people feel like it should be a phase that ends. Puppy love is exciting, yes but that effort that someone does at the beginning should never finish.
You can grow to be comfortable with someone while still treating them with kindness, love, and show them that you care.
It’s toxic to think that the length of a relationship determines how well you treat someone. Effort should not be a phase. Mutual respect should not be a phase.
If someone wants to keep you in their lives – you best believe that they will never stop proving that to you, day in and day out. It’s not a fairytale – it’s just what happens when you’re in a healthy relationship.
What does love mean to you?
Someone said this to me a long time ago and it really stuck with me so I will pass along that same wisdom to you. How could you love someone who doesn’t love you back?
That’s not love. That’s infatuation. It’s obsession. It’s the passion of wanting something you don’t have. It’s a crush – It’s lust. It is not LOVE.
Love is something that flows between two people. You have that mutual want of protecting each other, of wanting nothing but the best for each other. It’s the feeling of being CLOSE to one another and sharing that bond of your two souls.
Love is love and there are many ways to describe it but crying over someone who constantly proves to not care about you, not show you respect, and not reciprocate the same feelings – no hunny, that is not it.
Trust your gut
6) Trust your gut. You are smarter than you think. I feel like a lot of the time, people get branded with “acting crazy” and “feeling paranoid” if they feel like something is up.
As human beings, I feel like it is our defence mechanism to sense danger. We know when a feeling is off or when we are being triggered by something or someone. We wouldn’t just say it out of nowhere.
Now, I am not saying start throwing a tantrum, run through their phones and kick them out of the house. I am saying – tread lightly, and be cautious.
Someone who doesn’t want to hurt you wouldn’t be making you feel so unsteady.
I know that if you are like me with past relationship trauma, than you might experience some insecurity issues that coincide with paranoia – BUT a great partner to keep would be someone that would recognize that about you, accept it, work at ways to combat it when you go through bad flare ups and communicate and be patient with you until you are back to being stable
To wrap it up:
Relationships are hard and the harsh truth is hard to hear. At the end of the day, I believe that you do need to go through your heartbreaks to experience what true love feels like and I will never knock anyone for doing that. Know what you deserve and do not settle for anything less.
Remember that you are a ROCKSTAR and that you are strong, and smart, and gifted. You can recognize these signs, jump ahead of them and save your heart. Heartbreak will happen in life and it’s normal and it’s okay – but If I can help even the slightest, then I will try to do so.